A nod to my New Orleans Heritage
1. You can pronounce things like “Tchoupitoulas,” “Burgundy,” and “Chartres” and know that none of them sound like they look, or like the rest of the country would pronounce them.
2. You don’t think it’s weird to be driving on a street starting with “North” or “South” while actually driving east or west.
3. You know that there’s no such thing as “North” or “South,” but there’s uptown, the CBD, the Quarter, and the westbank.
4. It’s not at all strange to you that the westbank is actually in the eastern part of the city.
5. It’s a streetcar, NOT a trolley, and, except for the rare occasion, only tourists actually use it.
6. You know the people wearing massive amounts of beads in the middle of July and actually waiting for the walk signal to change at a crosswalk are tourists.
7. You just found out from a tourist that what you do every time you get to an intersection is known as “jaywalking” and that it’s apparently a crime.
8. You expect classes to be cancelled when the temperature gets lower than 30°. Who drives when the roads are icy?
9. You love Hubig’s pies, and anytime you see them at a gas station, you buy one of each kind because you never know when you’ll find them again.
10. Every time you go out of state, people ask you if you’re from New York or New Jersey, but both you and New Yorkers can easily tell the difference between a New Yorker and a y’at.
11. You would never consider someone from Baltimore or Washington, D.C., to be from the South.
12. You hate it when people pronounce New Orleans as “noo orlEENZ.”
13. You think people are joking when they say that bars close at 2 am in other cities.
14. In aspiring to drive like cab drivers, you’ve almost mastered driving 40 mph in the quarter while successfully swerving around potholes and tourists.
15. You find it perfectly normal to order takeout at 3 am, although you normally don’t get back from the club until about 4 or 5.
16. You say “neutral ground,” and it hurts your ears to hear someone say “median.”
17. You go to “the show,” not the movies or movie theater.
18. Even though it only snows about twice a decade, you have snowballs every summer and get confused at first when someone says “snowcones.”
19. You pull out your winter clothes when the highs get in the upper 60s because you know how cold the wind is coming off the lake and the river.
20. Despite being in a huge rush, you still smile and say “hi” to almost everyone you pass, and you can point out northerners as the people who look scared because you’re “staring at them.”
21. Who buys groceries? You make groceries.
22. You know that the only people who get mugged are the idiots who walk alone at 4 am, and you probably think it’s good that they’ve learned their lesson.
23. You’ve got Tony Chachere’s and Tabasco, and you have to buy more almost every time you make groceries.
24. You get really excited on the rare occasion that you can turn left at an intersection without going past it and making a u-turn.
25. You can’t imagine how people spend an entire crawfish season without a crawfish boil.
26. You wouldn’t dream of going to Bourbon unless it’s to bring some visiting friends or family.
27. Your family has a favorite spot for at least three Mardi Gras parades.
28. You’re used to seeing beads hanging in the trees on St. Charles.
29. When you’re away, you automatically season everything before tasting it because you know there’s no way it already has enough flavor.
30. You’ve recently discovered that your car has something called a “turn signal,” but you still haven’t quite figured out how it works and don’t really care to know. If you're not actually from here, this probably just reminded you that they exist.
31. You laugh every time you see restaurants in other cities with signs that say “Authentic New Orleans Cuisine.” Then you feel kind of bad for the people who believe those signs and seriously consider bringing them some real food.
32. You love drive-thru daiquiri shops, and don’t find them at all out of the ordinary.
33. You know that you shouldn’t wait in line at Café du Monde and that you have to sit down at a table before it’s been cleaned if you want to be fed before the end of the day.
34. You’re very picky about your muffalettas, jambalaya, étouffée, pralines, and gumbo.
35. You know the pronunciations of the foods you eat. “muf-uh-lot-uh,” “jum-buh-lie-uh,” “a-two-fay,” and “praw-leens.”
36. You know it’s just plain dumb to touch an NOPD horse, and you feel like you’re endlessly keeping your drunk friends who are visiting away from them.
37. Actors who think they seem more authentic by speaking in a southern or cajun accent make you want to cry (i.e. that episode of Boston Legal).
38. You saw the movie "Déjà Vu" and couldn't help but point out everything inaccurate, but you were ecstatic that Denzel Washington wasn't too lazy to use a real accent.
39. When you're out of town and tell someone where you live, they look at you like you're Jessica Simpson holding a can of tuna fish.
40. You have no desire to flash for beads, considering every storage space in your house, from the closets to the attic to the garage, would burst if you tried to squeeze in anymore beads.